This is How It Always Is

This book by Laurie Frankel has a rather unexciting premise as its foundation, but I read it because my friend Joan Ward recommended it to me. It is the story of how one family copes when their youngest child decides at age 3 years that he would rather be a she. But that fails to convey what a beautifully written, loving, and compelling story this is.  You struggle along with the parents and the siblings as well as Claude/Poppy in trying to find the best path forward in a society that sees only "either/ or" rather than "and."
Rosie and Penn have a magical love for one another that seems to have begun before they even met. When first they get together, Penn is a struggling writer and Rosie is an ER resident. Penn sits in the ER waiting room every time Rosie has a shift--for hours at a time--just so he can talk with her on her breaks. He's working on a novel. When they marry, he becomes the stay-at-home parent. They have one boy, then two, and then four when twins are born, and in one final attempt for a daughter, they get Claude. But Claude really loves girl things--clothes, cooking, girlfriends--and Rosie and Penn are determined that they will support their wonderful child no matter what, so eventually he goes to pre-school in a skirt, wearing a pair of wings, and after some push back from his teacher, settles into being a girl with a penis. The other kids just don't care much at this stage. But of course that can't last. When a transgender college student is brought into the ER beaten and stabbed and dies, Rosie panics and decides Madison is not safe and they move to Seattle. Poppy becomes best friends with Aggie next door, and although Aggie's parents know about Claude/Poppy, they ask Rosie and Penn not to say anything to Aggie. And so the entire family guards this secret until it is no longer a secret. The next step Rosie takes to help her youngest is more dramatic. She volunteers to work at a clinic in rural Thailand and takes Claude/Poppy with her. Penn is the steady anchor at home, telling all his children a never ending Sheherazade-like fairy tale full of lessons for life. Their conversations and struggles as they try to figure out how best to help Claude/Poppy are achingly realistic. You will absolutely love every member of this family. Don't miss this thought provoking story. Reviews from The New York Times, Kirkus, Publishers Weekly, and the Star-Telegram. Received numerous best book of the year awards. Here is an interview with Laurie Frankel on NPR about being the parent of a transgender child.